3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
