I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
