It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
