you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
