weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
