I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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