I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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