i'm lost and i look like a hooker
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
