If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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