he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
