he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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