it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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