we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
