Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
