its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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