he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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