i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So many bounce houses so little time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
