I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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