How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
