my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Farmville is her only friend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
