Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What a dumb baby whore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
