so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
