maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
