We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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