everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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