If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
