Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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