this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A bitchslap is in order.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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