is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
