But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
