someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
