So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't give away my fajitas
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