She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm at about main and main street
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
