You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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