I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
