I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
