ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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