My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
