he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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