Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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