I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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