i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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