hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
