If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
