I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
