That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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