Porn is love you can see.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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