then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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