I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
