there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
