its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
