She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
