You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
