Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
