i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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