You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
