Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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