is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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