If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
