dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
