my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont even know how to be here
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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