saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
