either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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