So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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