3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
