we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
