he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im holly from the hills drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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