I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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