mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
