She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
