You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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