dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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