You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
