Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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